


A Typical Saturday Night Home Alone

by SummerInAmsterdam



Category: Escape the Night (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Gen, Home Alone Inspired Shenanigans, Humor, In a sense, Inspired by Olan Rogers, Party, Pizza, Rescue Missions, Strategy & Tactics, all they wanted was a night of pizza pageantry and it got real crazy real fast, raccoons are terrifying, they're cute but they're terrifying
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-06-26 03:42:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19759894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerInAmsterdam/pseuds/SummerInAmsterdam
Summary: When Safiya invites her friends over while she's home alone for the weekend, it starts off as a decently quiet evening. But when an uninvited guest threatens everyone in the house, including Safiya's cat, Crusty, they decide to take matters into their own hands.Inspired by Olan Rogers' "A Sticky Situation"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNCurA1WOXE&t=426s





	1. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Safiya had just finished _Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban_ after binging the previous movies when she finally realized how bored she was. She was the only person in her house, and it was exceptionally quiet. Her brother had left for summer camp the morning before, and her parents were on vacation in San Diego for the weekend. Safiya was home alone with only her cat, Crusty, for company.

Speaking of Crusty, he was curled up next to her, trying to take a nap. He was nestled into a little ball, using a blanket as a nest. She reached over and stroked along his back.

“What do you think, Crusty?” she asked her cat. “You wanna help me melt lipstick or something?”

He rolled over and gave her a drowsy, “ _Mreww…_ ”

“Didn’t think so.”

Safiya groaned and sunk into the sofa. She was left with money for pizza, but other than that, she didn’t really have anything to do. She _did_ however, have friends to hang out with. Her parents had told her not to have any wild parties while they were gone, but they didn’t say anything about social gatherings (which were two completely different things, mind you!).

Safiya grabbed her phone from the table next to her, and texted their group chat.

**Safiya:** u guys wanna come over tonight? my parents and brother are out of town and i’m bored.

 **Matt:** Sure!

 **Ro:** I’m down!

 **Joey:** hell yeah! party at saf’s place!

 **Safiya:** it’s not gonna be a party, joey

 **Nikita:** no parents bitches!

 **Safiya** : still not a party. i’m just lonely and bored and i wanna hang out with u all

 **Safiya:** i do have mario kart and a cat if that counts

 **Colleen:** you had me at “cat”

 **Teala:** I second that!

 **Jc:** you had me at “mario kart”

 **Roi:** I second THAT

 **Manny:** you had me at both of those things

Later that night, Safiya’s social gathering (not party) was just about in full swing. Nikita and Manny had just arrived, and Safiya was leading them up to her room. When they entered, the usual scene greeted them. Matt, Roi and Jc were all sitting in bean bag chairs playing _Mario Kart._ Joey and Colleen were both seated on the window seat, watching the game and eating popcorn. Rosanna and Teala were on the bed, still petting Crusty.

Crusty was getting a lot of attention from everyone that evening. The little dingus was absolutely eating it up, but of course, he was a cat. He’d tolerate the attention until he got bored or annoyed and bat at them. And then he’d start getting needy again in a minute or two, and demand more petting.

“Bitch, what kind of party is this?” Nikita asked as she walked into Safiya’s room.

“Seriously,” Manny agreed. “Where’s the booze, girl?”

Safiya had kind of expected them to say something like that. Frankly, though, she could understand where they were coming from. Having nine people over was a little much for a social gathering. Plus, she’d even said that her parents weren’t home. But she’d also clarified that it wasn’t a party.

“I already told you guys,” Safiya said, “this isn’t a party. This is just a typical Saturday night home alone. It just so happens that I wanted to have a _social gathering_ with my friends this evening.”

Matt raised his hand. “Hey, any social gathering involving video games is fine with me.”

Without looking away from the TV, Jc said, “I’m good as long as I can keep beating people in Mario Kart.”

Rosanna was too busy petting Crusty to say anything, but judging by the fact that Crusty was allowing her to nuzzle her face into him - plus he was still purring after at least five straight minutes - she was pretty much set.

“Thank you, guys,” Safiya remarked.

“Don’t worry, Safiya,” Colleen said, taking her attention away from the boys’ game to give Safiya a plastic smile. “It’s not your fault that you’re bad at throwing parties.”

“Hey!” Safiya snapped. “I’m not bad at throwing parties!”

Joey chuckled and rolled his eyes. “You are quite literally the most vanilla party thrower I’ve ever met, Saf.”

“I am _not_ vanilla! I’m at the very least cookies and cream.”

“That’s made of vanilla, girl,” Teala pointed out.

Roi grunted as he lost his fifth game to Jc in a row. “This would _really_ turn into a party if I could freakin’ beat Jc already!” He slammed the controller into his lap.

“Not gonna happen, buddy,” Jc taunted him.

“Safiya Nygaard,” Joey teased. “The only teenager in existence with a perfect opportunity to have a ‘Parents Aren’t Home’ party, and she invites her friends over for something that is decidedly _not_ a ‘Parents Aren’t Home’ party.”

That earned a few giggles from the rest of the group. Safiya was about to argue, but they were pretty much right. What was this, “National Make Fun of Safiya Day?”

She was about to just shrug it off and accept defeat, but then she remembered a very important detail.

“You know, it’s really too bad you guys aren’t enjoying yourselves,” she said. “‘Cause it just so happens my parents left me twenty bucks for pizza.”

There it was. The magic word.

Joey’s smug look was instantly wiped off his face, replaced with a hopeful spark. “Pizza?” he asked. Safiya detected a hint of longing in his voice.

Matt, Jc and Roi turned their heads away from their game. Colleen dropped the popcorn in her hands. Manny and Nikita tore their faces away from their phones. Rosanna and Teala finally stopped petting Crusty. Crusty just kinda sat there. He didn’t care about the pizza; he was probably just debating whether or not to smack the girls’ hands for more affection.

“Yep,” Safiya continued. “I _was_ gonna order some for us tonight, _buuuut_ since it’s not a party…”

“Hang on,” Nikita said. “Pizza wouldn’t be that bad, actually…”

Roi bounced up and down in his beanbag chair. “Pizza?”

“Oh, my God!” Manny cheered. “Hell yes!”

Roi threw his fists in the air. “Pizza!”

“Rad,” Jc agreed, but even he had a glimmer of excitement in his eyes.

At this point, Roi fell back onto the floor. “ _Pizzaaaaa!_ ”

_Got ‘em._

Safiya couldn't help but laugh at her friends’ enthusiasm. Even so, she had to admit, she was getting a little hungry herself. Now was as good of a time as any to put that pizza money to use.

“Okay then,” Safiya said, grabbing her phone from her desk. “The money is downstairs. Let me go grab it, then I’ll order.”

“I’ll come with you,” Rosanna offered, climbing up from the bed.

“Me, too,” Matt added. “Who wants to take my place?” he asked, waving his controller.

“I will!” Colleen replied. As Matt got up from his chair, Colleen plopped down in his place. “Get ready to eat my bubbles, boys!”

Roi sat back up and adjusted himself. “I’m not eating anyone’s bubbles until I eat some delicious pizza!” he declared.

As the Coconut Mall theme started playing, the others resumed cheering each other on. Safiya led Matt and Rosanna out of her room, and Crusty hopped off the bed and followed them.

Safiya glanced down at Crusty as he caught up with them. “You coming down for a shnack, boy?” she asked fondly.

Crusty stared up at her and gave her a hopeful, “ _Mrrow..._ ”

Rosanna chuckled. “I think he just wants me to pet him some more.”

“Or maybe he can sense the coolest cat person in the house,” Matt joked, pointing to himself.

“Um, excuse me, you two,” Safiya chimed in, “but _I’m_ the one who feeds him in this household. Ergo, _I’m_ his favorite.”

Sure, the night had gotten off to a quiet start, but pizza would probably add a little life to it. Besides, it would be a lot more socially acceptable than eating an entire pizza by herself like she’d originally planned.

And anyway, it wasn’t like anything would go horribly wrong tonight, right?

Rosanna hopped down the stairs, following Safiya and Matt. She was already having a pretty good time that night, but now they were going to have a good time with pizza thrown into the mix! When they got to the kitchen, Safiya picked up the twenty, and the three of them sat at the table. As they got settled, Rosanna saw Crusty wander off and enter the cat door that lead to the garage.

“Looks like Crusty’s going exploring,” Rosanna observed.

“Hmm?” Safiya muttered. She glanced over at the garage door. “Oh, yeah. Crusty gets restless when he’s inside for too long, so he’ll wander into the garage to look for something to do. We sometimes leave the door out in the garage open a crack during the day so he can wander around the yard a little.”

That made sense. Crusty was a feral adoption, so he was used to being outside. Safiya sometimes let him wander around the front or backyard, but he always came back after he’s had his fill of being outside. But now that it was late at night, leaving the door open didn’t sound safe.

“You shut the door tonight, didn’t you?” Matt asked.

“Yeah,” Rosanna added. “I wouldn’t want any unwelcome company burglarizing your house.”

“Don’t worry, guys,” Safiya assured them. “I shut it, like, twenty minutes ago. I can promise you we won’t have any bandits breaking in tonight.”

“Awesome,” Matt said, and Rosanna felt a little relieved.

Safiya started scrolling through her phone. “I think I have Domino’s in my contacts. Let me just… here it is!”

All of a sudden, they heard a loud clattering sound coming from the garage.

Safiya set her phone on the table. “What on earth is that cat doing in there?”

“Maybe he wants to go outside?” Rosanna suggested.

“Or maybe he wants to come in,” Matt guessed. “Skip usually knocks stuff over when he wants to leave a room with a closed door.”

Safiya shrugged. “If he wants to come in, I doubt he’ll use the cat door again.”

“Why not?” Rosanna asked.

“Crusty’s stubborn as a mule. He’ll go _out_ through the cat door, but he always refuses to come _in_ through it.”

“Cats are weird.”

“Yes, yes they are,” Matt agreed.

Rosanna never had any cats, but the cats she knew of were just plain silly. “I’ll get him,” she offered.

She approached the door and peered through the window leading outside. The inside of the garage was only illuminated by the light coming from the kitchen. Other than that, it was almost pitch black. Rosanna could see that the garage door was closed like Safiya had said.

 _Well, at least he couldn’t have wandered outside,_ Rosanna thought.

She pushed the door open a bit and tried to look for any sign of the cat. She saw Safiya’s mom’s car, and a big empty space where Safiya's dad's car usually was. A shelf held a toolbox, and several boxes of junk. An empty bucket sat at a work desk, along with another box of junk. All the typical things you’d find in a garage was in that garage, but still no Crusty. Rosanna opened the door wider and saw a lightswitch by the frame. She reached over and tried to flip it, but nothing happened.

“Hey, Saf?” Rosanna called. “I think the garage light is busted. It’s not turning on.”

Safiya sighed. “Yeah. It’s been out for about two years.”

“Well, no problem,” Matt said. “We can just…” He took a couple of steps down the wooden stoop and grabbed a sack of fertilizer. He placed it against the open door, creating a doorstop for them. “There we go.”

With their makeshift doorstop, and a little more light to help them, the three of them entered the garage and called out for Safiya’s cat.

“Come here, Crusty!” Rosanna cooed.

“Crusty?” Matt called. “You in here, buddy?”

“Where are you, Dingus?” Safiya chirped. “Dingus” was one of Safiya’s many nicknames for Crusty.

Thankfully, they found him almost instantly. It was still pretty dark, despite the bit of light coming in from the kitchen, but they could see Crusty hunched over his food dish in a corner.

“Crusty!” Safiya called. “Let’s go inside, buddy!”

But Crusty didn’t listen.

“Crusty!” Rosanna chirped. “You want some more pets?”

Nothing. He just kept eating.

Matt made a _tsk-tsk_ sound and said, “Dang, Crusty. Always gotta disrespect, the little rebel.”

“Wait... guys?” Safiya whispered. If Rosanna didn’t know any better, she would think Safiya sounded nervous. “Does Crusty look… _bigger_ to you?”

“Bigger?” Rosanna repeated.

And that was when Rosanna noticed it, too. Crusty might have been old, but he was small. _This_ Crusty was larger and more homely than the Crusty they were used to. Not to mention, the tail was a bit fluffier, too.

Rosanna froze. _That’s not Crusty, is it?_

It wasn’t Crusty.

As it turned out, “Crusty” was a dog-sized raccoon.

Everything inside Matt was screaming at him to run. To grab his friends and drag them back into the house as fast as he possibly could. But his better judgement told him not to. That was a freaking _raccoon._ If they were too loud, it might freak out and attack them! Who knew what kinds of diseases that furry little beast could have? What if it hurt him or the girls?! What if it hurt their other friends upstairs?!

 _Way to overthink, Matt,_ he chastised himself.

Still, they needed to get out of there while it was distracted. It was still eating. Maybe they could get away without the raccoon noticing.

Matt spread his arms protectively in front of the girls. “Okay, guys…” he hissed. “Don’t make any sudden movements or loud noises. Just… back up to the door… _reeeeaaaally slooowly…_ ”

So they did. The three of them kept close together as they slowly backed out of the garage and into the kitchen. Rosanna clung to Matt’s side, and Safiya gripped his arm. They almost reached the stoop when the masked bandit turned in their direction. It’s eyes were glowing from what little light was coming from the kitchen. The raccoon showed its teeth and hissed at them.

And that sounded off every single one of their alarm bells!

Safiya gasped, Rosanna screamed, and Matt exclaimed, “Oh, God!” Unsurprisingly, all of those reactions turned out to be things you’re not supposed to do if you ever see a raccoon.

The noise startled the raccoon, and it lunged away from the dish and made its way towards the terrified trio. The three of them instantly scrambled back to the door. They rushed up the stairs and back through the door leading to the kitchen. Matt threw the fertilizer in a random direction, scaring the raccoon and causing it to dart back into the depths of the garage. Matt lost his balance and stumbled over, banging his head against the door.

“Matt!” Rosanna exclaimed.

The girls grabbed Matt’s hands and pulled him inside, and the three of them slammed the door. Safiya quickly knelt down to lock the cat door, while Matt locked the doorknob. His common sense told him that the raccoon probably couldn’t open the door that way, but he just wanted to make sure.

“Oohh, _hell no!_ ” Safiya exclaimed.

“Dammit!” Matt hissed, rubbing his head where he hit it. “That was so close!”

“Is it still in there?!” Rosanna fretted.

“I think so,” Matt replied breathlessly. “I saw it run off after I threw the-”

All of a sudden, the rest of their friends came thundering down the stairs. Each of them were holding some kind of weapon. Joey was in the lead, pointing a lacrosse stick in random directions. Nikita had a baseball bat at the ready. Colleen was boldly brandishing a wooden back scratcher. Roi was holding a hockey stick, ready to swing at any moment. Jc held a broom like a sword, bristles pointing forward. Teala pulled back a slingshot armed with a couple of bang snaps. Manny was poised to throw a vase. They looked like something straight out of a _Home Alone_ movie poster.

“Woah, woah! Guys!” Matt shouted, waving his hands to call them off. “What’s going on?!”

“We should be asking _you_ that!” Joey yelled.

“We heard you guys screaming!” Colleen added.

“Is everything alright?” Jc asked.

“Did someone break in?” Nikita demanded, scanning the room. “Are they still here? Did they hurt you?! I’ll kill ‘em!”

“Um, we - uhh…” Matt stammered. He was still trying to calm down from the adrenaline high.

He could already tell this was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's how this fic happened:  
> I was watching Olan Rogers videos late into the night, and I came across "A Sticky Situation." The way he tells stories is entertaining and hilarious, and this is easily one of my favorite videos of his. I can't remember how it happened, but at some point, this thought popped into my head: "Huh... I wonder what would happen if some of our EtN dudes got themselves into this situation..?" And that's how my sleep-deprived self started drafting this fic at around 1 in the morning.
> 
> Next Time: When the Mario Kart crew hears the commotion downstairs, they rush down to help. Once everything settles down, the group has a worrying realization, and they devise a plan.


	2. Rescue Squad: Assemble

“ _Gah!_ ” Colleen exclaimed after Jc crossed the finish line first. Again. “Come on, Jc!”

Roi pulled his face up from an alien emoji pillow. It seemed Jc managed to beat Colleen and Teala in yet another round. When Roi thought he was about to start crying after the last game he’d lost, Teala volunteered to take his place so he could take a breather. He’d pretty much been laying facedown on Safiya’s bed in disappointment for the past few minutes ever since.

“Seriously!” Teala agreed. She leaned over and plopped her head in her hand. “How are you so good at this?”

“Honestly, Jc,” Joey added from the window seat, “I’m suspecting some damn witchcraft.”

“No witchcraft there, guys,” Roi said, plopping his chin in his hands. “Jc’s just a freaking prodigy at this.”

“Why, thank you,” Jc replied.

“I somehow doubt that was a compliment,” Nikita said. “It looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.”

“Not quite an aneurysm,” Roi pointed out.

“I think a few tears might have been involved in a few more seconds, though,” Manny said.

Roi didn’t say anything.

“Hey,” Jc said, “don’t blame me if you guys failed Mario Kart 101.”

Nikita rolled her eyes from the window seat. “Did you go to college for this or something?”

“Yes,” Jc replied. “I got my degree in… everything.”

“From what university, honey?” Manny jabbed.

“The University of Being Better at Mario Kart Than All of You.”

“Okay, you know what-” Roi started. He was about to think of some way to roast Jc, but that’s when he heard it.

From somewhere downstairs came some very distinct screaming. Colleen quickly paused the game, and everyone froze.

“Bitch…” Manny’s voice was slow and deliberate. “What was that?”

“That sounded like Matt, Ro and Saf,” Joey observed.

“What do we do?!” Teala fretted.

Roi’s mind instantly went into panic mode. What if there was someone in the house and they were hurting their friends? He didn’t want them getting hurt! They needed to do something!

“We need to go down there!” Roi decided, pushing himself up.

“Wait, what?!” Manny exclaimed.

Joey stood up. “Roi’s right, guys. We can’t let them get hurt.”

Nikita punched the palm of her hand. “No one fucks with _our_ friends and gets away with it!”

“We need to protect ourselves somehow, though,” Manny informed them. “”If there really is someone down there, we’re gonna have to drive them out!”

Colleen pushed herself out of her beanbag chair. “Safiya’s brother has a whole bunch of sports stuff in his room. Some of us can use that!”

That was right. Safiya’s little brother had tried a lot of sports, only to get tired of it a little while after he started. From what Roi remembered, he still had some of his old equipment.

“Good idea!” Joey exclaimed. “Everyone, grab whatever you can! We have no time to lose!”

Joey started out of the room, and everyone else followed.

“Let’s get ‘em, guys!” Teala exclaimed.

“We’re coming, bitches!” Nikita yelled to their friends downstairs.

Roi started to spring off the bed. “Hang on, guys! We’re gonna save you - _doh!_ ” Roi tumbled over and face planted on the carpeted floor. He quickly pushed himself back up and darted for the doorway. “Hold on, friends! We’re coming!”

Nikita wasn’t exactly a rules person, but there was one rule that she enforced without question: If you fuck wth her friends, you fuck with her. And _no one_ fucks with her, especially not pieces of shit who try to hurt her friends!

She followed the others into the hall and into the bedroom next door. It looked like how Nikita might have expected a little boy’s room to look: blue walls with a disorganized bookshelf, and a bed with a darker blue bedspread. It was a mess, but Nikita could see a few of the things that they were looking for. Leaning against the nightstand was a lacrosse stick, and she could see a hockey stick and a baseball bat against opposite sides of a desk.

“Dibs!” Nikita exclaimed, pointing at the bat.

“Dibs on that, then!” Joey said. He picked up a lacrosse stick next to the bed.

Roi swooped in and grabbed the hockey stick. “I got this thing!”

Nikita ran over to the bat and picked it up. She felt better now that she had a weapon, and now that Joey and Roi had one, too. But the others didn’t have anything yet.

“Wait, what about the rest of you?” Nikita wanted to know.

Manny tried to think. He was shaking from the adrenaline and nerves. As determined as he was to help his friends, he was pretty sure his freshly done nails wouldn’t be enough to fight off a criminal. They couldn’t just sprint down the stairs empty handed. _Everyone_ needed something to fight with!  
“There has to be more stuff we can use up here!” Joey cried. “We just need to get creative!”

“He’s right!” Jc yelled from down the hall. He was holding a broomstick in both hands.

 _Creative, right!_ Manny realized. _That’s what I do best!_

He, Teala and Colleen rushed into Safiya’s parents’ room. Normally, this room was off limits, but considering the circumstances, Manny figured they could make an exception.

“Ah-hah!” Colleen exclaimed. She scooped up a wooden back scratcher from the bed, and swung it about like a sword.

Manny noticed a red vase full of daffodils and tulips on one of the nightstands - probably Mrs. Nygaard’s. It wasn’t much, but it could make a pretty good blunt weapon if he needed to smash it against a bitch’s head! He grabbed it and dumped the water and flowers onto the carpeted floor.

“Sorry, Mrs. Nygaard!” Manny apologized, as though Safiya’s mom could hear him. “Those flowers are lovely! I’ll clean it up after I save your daughter!”

Teala started frantically going through the drawers in the nightstands along either side of the king sized bed. She figured there must have been _something_ in one of them! Her thoughts were confirmed once she opened the drawer to the stand on the left side of the bed. Inside, she found a little box of bang snaps. Their parents must have confiscated them or something.

“What are those?” Manny asked.

“Bang snaps,” Teala replied. “Y’know, those little firecracker things that explode when you throw them on the ground?”

“Perfect!” Colleen exclaimed. “They might not be enough by themselves, though. You’re gonna need some extra force.”

Extra force? What could she use for extra force?

And then she had an idea. “I got it!” Teala exclaimed.

She rushed out of the master bedroom and back into Safiya’s room. Teala remembered seeing a slingshot on Safiya’s desk. Maybe she could use that! Luckily for her, it was still there. She dumped a couple of bang snaps into her hand, and pocketed the box. She then picked up the slingshot and loaded the snaps into the band.

“Oh, yeah!” she said to no one in particular.

Teala ran back out into the hallway to meet up with everyone else. They all had weapons, and they were ready to fight! Well, as ready to fight as they _could_ be with any random object they could find.

“Everyone ready?” Joey asked them.

Teala wasn’t too sure about this. She didn’t know what was waiting for them downstairs. But if her friends were in danger, she wasn’t about to stand by and let them get hurt.

“Let’s do this!” Teala asserted.

Jc steadied himself, brandishing his broom like a spear. “Let’s get ‘em, guys!”

“Okay, everyone!” Joey declared, pointing his lacrosse stick down the hall and in the direction of the stairs. “ _CHAAARRRRGE!!!_ ”

Joey led everyone down the hall, screaming all the way. It wasn’t long before everyone else joined in. All the better, as far as Joey was concerned! The more noise they made, the more intimidating they’d be.

“Stay away from our friends, fiend!” Joey roared as he ran down the stairs.

The bottom of the stairs led directly to the kitchen. When they were all together, Matt, Safiya and Rosanna were all gathered near the garage door. They looked like they’d just seen a ghost.

Matt waved his arms around. “Woah, woah! Guys!” he exclaimed. “What’s going on?!”

 _Um, sir?!_ Joey wanted to cry out. _Didn’t you all just scream at something?!_

“We should be asking _you_ that!” Joey exclaimed.

“We heard you guys screaming!” Colleen added. Her hands shook a bit as she held up her back scratcher.

Jc glanced around the kitchen. “Is everything alright?”

Nikita narrowed her eyes as she scanned the area. “Did someone break in?! Are they still here? Did they hurt you?! I’ll kill ‘em!” Even _she_ had an edge of nerves in her voice.

“Um, we - uhh…” Matt stammered.

Good God, he was already traumatized! When Joey found the scumbag who did this to them, he was _really_ gonna give them what for! Unless it was a spider. That would make sense for Matt, at least.

“It’s okay, guys!” Safiya interjected, holding up her hand as if to call them off. “We just got freaked out by a raccoon in the garage.”

Joey blinked. “A raccoon?”

“Wait, really?” Manny asked. “That’s it?”

“Yeah,” Safiya replied. “Sorry we scared you all.”

“A _raccoon?_ ” Joey repeated.

Rosanna spoke up. “In our defense, it was a _really_ big raccoon!” She spread out her arms. “Like, _this_ big!”

“Well, maybe not _that_ big,” Matt chimed in. “But it was pretty big for a raccoon.”

Joey dropped the lacrosse stick, letting it clatter to the floor. “I’m sorry, _a freakin’ raccoon?!_ Safiya, why is there a raccoon in your garage?!”

Safiya shrugged and shook her head. “He must have gotten in before I shut the hatch!”

“Wait, is it still in there?” Roi asked.

“Yeah,” Matt replied. “We locked it inside.”

Joey wasn’t too sure about this whole thing. On the bright side, his friends were safe. But if there really _was_ a raccoon inside, they needed to make sure that the entity in question was still contained in the garage.

Joey moved past the Three Raccoonsketeers, and pressed his face against the window. Nikita and Teala grouped up with him to get a look as well. At first, Joey couldn’t see anything in the darkness. But after a moment, he saw a pair of little glowing eyes staring back at him from a storage shelf close to the door.

 _Wait…_ that’s _the big, scary raccoon?_ Joey thought. _He’s so cute!_

“Well, hello there, little bandit,” Joey cooed at the raccoon. “How did you get in there, you cute little-”

At that moment, the eyes were joined by claws and teeth. Then the eyes, claws and teeth turned into a giant ball of fur that threw itself at the window. Then the furball turned into a magnitude seven earthquake that _slammed_ into the glass! It didn’t break, but the noise it made was enough to tell Joey how _huge_ that thing was!

The scene sent everyone into a panic. Joey and Teala yelped and scrambled away from the window. Manny grabbed hold of Nikita and Colleen, and backed into the wall. Jc yelled, “ _Nope!_ ” as he hopped up onto a stool. Matt, Safiya and Rosanna - who were already a few feet away from the door - ducked behind the table. Roi stumbled over a couple of chairs and fell back onto the floor.

“ _Not_ cute! _Not_ cute!” Joey exclaimed.

“Absolutely not!” Teala repeated over and over. “Absolutely not!”

Matt slammed his hand on the table. “We _told_ you! The raccoon!”

“That is _not_ a raccoon!” Roi screamed as he tried to get back up. “That’s a demon!”

It might have been an exaggeration, but Joey agreed. There was no way on this beautiful green earth that he was touching that door with a ten foot pole! It could _have_ the garage for all Joey cared!

 _Wait, is it a boy or a girl?_ Joey couldn’t help but wonder. _Whatever, I’m not planning on getting close enough to find out!_

At that point, Jc was _done._ Once the pandemonium began to die down, he tried to assess the situation. On the one hand, there was a freaking raccoon in the garage! On the other hand, said raccoon was still in the garage. He couldn’t get inside.

“Okay, guys?” Jc called over everyone else. “Let’s all just calm down.”

“Don’t tell us to calm down, bitch!” Nikita yelled. “There’s a fucking _raccoon_ in the garage!

“Exactly. It’s in the _garage._ ” Jc turned his attention to Safiya. “That door is the only way in and out of the garage from here, right?”

Safiya nodded. “Yeah. The only other way out is through the hatch, and that’s closed.”

“We locked the cat door, too,” Matt added. “It won’t be able to get in through there.”

“Okay,” Jc deduced. “Then we shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”

“What if it finds another way in?” Teala worried. “Could it climb through the vents or something?”

“Not unless it’s handy with tools,” Safiya replied. She then clapped her hands together and took a breath. “You know what, guys? Jc’s right. Last time I checked, this was my _dad’s_ house. Which means the raccoon will just have to be my dad’s _problem._ And if it gets hungry, it can just eat whatever’s in the garbage can in there to it’s heart’s content.”

Manny gestured to the garage door. “So you’re suggesting we just leave a wild animal in your garage until your parents come home from another city? Two days from now?”

Colleen pointed to the door. “Would _you_ rather deal with the raccoon?”

“No thank you.”

“Then that’s that,” Matt said. “Why don’t we all just agree to… stay out of the garage until further notice?”

Joey raised his right hand. “All in favor of condemning the garage and ordering that damn pizza like we were gonna do in the first place, raise your right hand and say ‘I.’”

Everyone did just that.

“All opposed?” Joey asked.

Silence.

Jc was fine with that. He’d rather not have to deal with a possibly demonic raccoon if he didn’t have to. Besides, they had problems of their own: hunger!

Well, _that_ certainly wasn’t on Safiya’s list of things she thought she’d have to deal with while her parents were away! The most she figured she’d have to deal with was running out of snacks - not being attacked by a possessed raccoon lurking in her garage! But you know what, fine. That thing could stay in the garage if he wanted it so badly. She could just clean up whatever mess he made when it was safe to go back in.

Right now, they couldn’t really do anything about it. It was best to just order their pizza and move along with their night. Still, she had a nagging feeling that she couldn’t shake. A feeling that maybe, just _maybe,_ she’d forgotten something…

Safiya lead the others into the kitchen, and everyone found a place to sit as she hunted through her phone again. It was just a quarter after eleven, giving them a good forty-five minutes until Domino’s closed. Good; that was plenty of time.

As she dug for the digits for Domino’s, some of the others launched into a discussion about pineapples as a pizza topping.

“I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal!” Rosanna exclaimed. “They’re just pineapples!”

Manny raised his finger. “Um, it’s an abomination. And anyone who likes pineapples on pizza should be charged and imprisoned for life.”

“And never allowed to eat pizza again,” Joey chimed in.

“ _Woah!_ ” Matt chortled. “ _That’s_ a little much, don’t you think?”

“Jesus Christ!” Colleen laughed, throwing up her hands. “You people act like Spongebob’s house threatened your ancestors!”

“Play nice, children!” Safiya exclaimed. “Or I will turn this kitchen around!”

“Yeah, guys,” Jc added. “As the great Greg Universe said, there will come a time when we learn to accept _all_ pizza.”

Peace among pizza… that sounded nice.

Just when Safiya found Domino’s number, she heard… something.

“ _Mrew?_ ”

Nikita raised her head. “What was that?”

“ _Meowrr…_ ”

“Is that Crusty?” Roi asked.

“That sounded like Crusty,” Teala confirmed. “Where is he anyway?” 

_Oh, fuck._

The realization hit Safiya like a punch in the face. Her jaw dropped, and her phone clattered onto the table.

“ _Crusty!_ ” Safiya yelled.

Matt and Rosanna both exchanged shocked looks and yelled, “ _Oh, my God!_ ”

“Woah, wait, what?!” Joey piped up. “What about Crusty?”

“Crusty's still in the garage!” Safiya explained. Her voice was close to a scream. 

Rosanna added, “The only reason we were in the garage in the first place was to get him inside!”

Without thinking, Safiya bolted over to garage door, knelt down and unlocked the cat door. Raccoon, be damned! Her cat was still in there with a fourth of the Guardians of the Galaxy!

She pushed the cat door open and called, “Crusty?”

Somewhere in the garage, Crusty responded to his name. “ _Mroww!_ ”

“Crusty!”

“Safiya!” Matt exclaimed. He and Manny grabbed her and pulled her to her feet.

“What are you doing?!” Manny demanded.

What _was_ she doing? Crusty wouldn’t come in that way; he hated going in through the cat door! And besides, she was calling for her cat while a raccoon was still wandering around in its own personal discovery zone. She could have easily gotten bitten or scratched right then and there. She shuddered at the thought.

Normally she would think more sensibly about this, but… it was _Crusty!_ Safiya found him wandering around her neighborhood years ago. He had no home from what she could tell, so she decided to take the responsibility of feeding him. For a week or two, he’d just plop himself in front of Safiya’s door in hopes of getting food. Then she took him in one night when it was raining, and he’d been her cat ever since. It didn’t matter that he was technically fifty years older than her (in cat years). This was her baby!

She glanced back and forth between her friends and the door. “But…”

“Don’t worry, Saf!” Rosanna exclaimed. She’d just locked the cat door again so the raccoon couldn’t escape. “We’re gonna get him out!”

Safiya felt the pit in her stomach lighten a bit. “Wait… we are? Really?”

Colleen stood up from the island. “Hell yeah, ‘really!’ Crusty is under our watch now.”

 _Wow…_ Safiya thought. _I actually have friends like this._

Grated, they got themselves into all kinds of bizarre situations, but they all had each other’s backs every step of the way. Safiya never would have expected an over-the-top rescue mission to save her cat from a monster disguised as a raccoon. But there they were, ready and willing to help her in any way they could. And Safiya was grateful for them for the millionth time.

“Alright, guys!” Joey stated, slamming his fist into his palm. “We need a plan…”

And as of that moment, the raccoon was now a _them_ problem.

The first thing Colleen did was open the fridge to find some bait for the raccoon. Upon opening the deli/cheese drawer, she came across a fat stack of Kraft Singles.

 _Bingo!_ she thought. Just what she needed!

She held up the cheese victoriously and screamed, “Yes!”

That caught Roi’s attention. “Why ‘yes?’”

Colleen displayed the cheese and explained her idea. “I’m thinking, if we come across the raccoon, we can lure it away with pre-processed American cheese! And who doesn’t like pre-processed American cheese?”

“Well, _Teala_ doesn’t, technically,” Roi remarked. “But _raccoons_ might…”

It was a brilliant idea, if Colleen thought so herself! And she did. Colleen pocketed the cheese and glanced around the kitchen.

She could see Matt, Rosanna and Safiya hunting for weapons of their own. Teala had offered Safiya her slingshot, but Safiya told her to keep it, and found a spatula to use instead. Matt grabbed a wooden spoon from out of a jar and swung it around a bit. Rosanna dug through a drawer and pulled out a rolling pin.

This way, they all had tools they could use to _Mighty Ducks_ a new definition of pain into the little monster! Only if they _had_ to, of course.

“Wait,” Rosanna said. “We’re not gonna _kill_ it, right?” She seemed worried. 

“No, of course not,” Colleen assured her. “We just need to keep ourselves safe just in case it comes at us.”

Nikita clutched her bat. “But if it won’t take the easy way out through the garage portal,” she raised her bat a little bit, “then we’ll just have to slap shot that lumpy sack with _SUCH FORCE,_ that it’s life’s soul will rip from it’s vessel!”

Everyone stared at her in astonishment. And a bit of concern.

Nikita seemed to realize how dramatic that sounded, and relaxed a little. “Or… maybe just swing things around to scare it away or something. And not hurt it, huh..?”

“Yes,” Joey agreed. “That might be preferable.”

“Cool.”

With that out of the way, everyone started offering up ideas for how to approach the problem further. Everyone figured they could use the weapons they already had, but they were going to need more than that. At the suggestion of Matt and Niktia, they gathered up materials to make riot gear. They quickly scoped the house for armor, and they had a lot of luck. They scooped up anything they could find - knee pads, elbow pads, biking and batting helmets, pillows, shin guards, the works.

After Safiya explained the light situation, she and Jc suggested that they gather lights to see into the veil of darkness that was the garage. Some of them managed to find camping headlights, while the others - including Colleen - simply duck taped little flashlights to some of their helmets.

Before long, they all looked like the world’s least intimidating legion of knights. They reminded Colleen more of a group of kids playing pretend than a troop on a rescue mission. But the raccoon might not see them that way...

 _If this isn’t something straight out of Home Alone,_ Colleen thought, _I don’t know what is… I’m liking it!_

Once everyone was suited up and ready to go, they all gathered around the island, where Joey was waiting with Matt. The two of them had come up with a plan, and wrote their strategy down on a whiteboard attached to the fridge. All of the steps were written out, along with little charts and drawings depicting each step. Matt made the charts, but Joey made the drawings. And Joey felt particularly proud of said drawings.

“Okay, guys,” Matt started. “Here’s the plan. Step One: We barge into the garage and make a lot of noise. This will show the raccoon that we mean business.”

“Step Two,” Joey chimed in. “The last person inside will open the garage door a crack so the raccoon will have a way to get outside.”

“Step Three: We start looking for Crusty. Once we see the raccoon, we throw the cheese out of the garage so the raccoon will go outside to get it.”

“Step Four: We grab Crusty and run.”

“Step Five: The last person to go back inside shuts the garage door, thus trapping the raccoon outside.”

“And Step Six: We all order a much-deserved pizza!”

Nikita nodded in approval. “Solid plan, guys.”

“Thank you,” Joey said. “We call it… ‘Operation Pizza Crust!’”

Everyone stared at Joey with blank expressions on their faces

“Operation Pizza Crust?” Jc repeated.

“Yeah!” Joey replied excitedly. He felt proud of that, too, along with his little drawings.

“I don’t remember agreeing to that name,” Matt said.

“I kinda came up with it on my own…”

What the hell? It was like they didn't appreciate how awesome the name was!

“What does that even mean?” Colleen asked.

“Well…” Joey _did_ know what it meant, but it was a little difficult to articulate it. “You see, we were gonna order pizza after we saved Crusty. And his name is Crusty. And that bread end on the pizza is called a ‘crust.’ So…” His friends still stared. Joey’s voice got quieter and his arms drooped. “Pizza… Crusty… ‘Pizza Crust…’”

Maybe it wasn't as awesome of a name as he thought...

“I like it!” Rosanna chirped.

“Me, too,” Teala added. “It’s… different.”

“Yeah,” Manny said. “It’s like, ‘Hey, what does that mean?’ Kind of a ‘hidden theme’ deal.”

“ _Thank you,_ ” Joey said, feeling a little better. “See? They have good taste!”

“Hey, guys?” Safiya chimed in. “I really appreciate all this - and it’s a cool name, by the way, Joey… but can we go rescue my cat now, please?”

That was why they were doing this, wasn’t it? Of course, Joey still wasn’t too eager to run into the raccoon. He wasn’t trying to get some type of raccoon disease, thank you very much. But this was for one of his friends. And when someone picked a fight with _one_ of them, they picked a fight with _all_ of them! They were all gonna storm into that garage, draw the raccoon out, save Crusty, and enjoy themselves a dang pizza!

Joey adjusted his headlight and gripped his lacrosse stick tightly. “Come on, guys,” Joey told his friends, and pointed at the garage door. “We have a cat to save!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooohhhhh HERE IT GOES
> 
> Next Time: Operation Pizza Crust is a go! YEAH!! This was a really good idea!!


	3. Operation: Pizza Crust

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be better enjoyed with the "Benny Hill" theme playing in the background after Manny's POV, enjoy! :)

A few minutes later, the group was standing in front of the door to the garage, weapons at the ready. Nikita clutched her baseball bat so hard that her knuckles were going white. There was no way that she was gonna let that cute little furball of a cat get hurt by the scruffy little furball of a raccoon. Not on her watch.

Joey turned on his headlight. “Everybody ready?”

Matt held his very intimidating wooden spoon like a sword. “Time to rescue a cat.”

“We’re coming, Crusty,” Safiya said in confirmation.

“Alright,” Joey said. “I’m gonna open the door. Once I do, we all charge in, everybody got it?”

Why were they taking so long? Nikita was ready _now!_

Joey unlocked the door and slowly cracked it open. “Okay… on three, guys,” He held up his fingers and counted. “One… two…”

_Screw it!_

Before Joey could get to “three,” Nikita rushed up to the door and kicked it open. That furry little twerp had to know who was boss right from the get go, and that was how she was gonna lay it down! She threw herself down the stoop, planting her feet on the floor.

“Where are you, you little ring-tailed shit?!” Nikita barked.

Right as the badass-like mood was being set, Roi leaped in, landing a few feet away from Nikita.

“ _RACOOOOOOON!_ ” Roi screamed at the top of his lungs. “ _THIS_ … is Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood! You sick sack of sewer scum!”

Nikita pinched the bridge of her nose. “Way to ruin the moment, Roi,” she groaned.

Everyone quickly filed inside to make sure the raccoon didn’t get in the house. Rosanna was the last one to enter the garage. Once she was on top of the stoop, she hit the garage door button, and hit it again as it was open a crack. This way, the raccoon had a way to get outside, just like they’d planned.

She turned on her headlight, which was just a flashlight duct taped to a football helmet that was way too big for her head. She held up her rolling pin with shaking hands as she and the others flashed their lights around the garage, quietly calling for Crusty.

No sign of the raccoon.

Rosanna was terrified beyond rational thought, and she could tell the others were, too. They didn’t know where the heck the raccoon was! More importantly, they didn’t know where _Crusty_ was!

“Crusty?” Rosanna whispered. “Crusty, where are you?”

Things start rustling around, and a box fell from a shelf a few feet away. Rosanna and a few others jumped and gasped.

“Crusty?” Rosanna whimpered.

Devilish animal squeaks answered her question. She backed away as a few more things fell.

She could hear Matt hissing, “All we wanted to do was have a night of Pizza Pageantry! Mario Kart, pizza, life, the pursuit of happiness!”

 _Yeah…_ Rosanna realized. _That was what we were supposed to be doing in the first place!_

Rosanna could feel a fire burning inside of her. She _hated_ that raccoon! Not only did it ruin their night. It scared her, it scared her friends, and it put Crusty in danger!

Her fear was replaced with sheer determination.

“Come on, then!” Rosanna yelled, swinging her rolling pin around. “You wanna smell what the pebble is cookin’?!”

Teala followed her example, loading her slingshot pocket and pulling it back. “Bring it, you beady-eyed little punk!”

Rosanna scanned the garage, paying attention to where her light was pointing. She would _not_ let that raccoon get away with trying to hurt them!

Manny held his vase tightly as his friends started taunting the raccoon. If that little beast wanted a fight, then they were gonna give it to ‘em!

Joey swung his lacrosse stick left and right. “Have at thee, foul beast!”

Matt held his wooden spoon in a warrior’s stance. “Show thyself, you rap scallion!”

A few feet away, Safiya started swinging her spatula around, making a satisfying _SWOOSH!_ sound. “You come into _MY_ house! Threaten _MY_ friends! Mess with _MY_ cat! And you think you can just get away with it?! I don’t think so!”

Their bravery and strength spread right to Manny. He grabbed the empty washbucket on the workbench, and hurled it across the garage.

“Bring it on!” he screamed. “You want some?! Come get it, honey!”

Everyone went quiet for a second.

More squeaks…

And the raccoon came darting out from under the car, heading straight for Manny and Safiya!

 _Oh,_ hell _no, bitch!_

“Take her!” Manny screamed automatically, pointing at Safiya. “It’s _her_ house!”

“No, _him!_ ” Safiya screamed back. “He’s bigger!”

And at that moment, the ten of them did the most heroic thing Manny thought they could do: scream and run around in a blind panic.

Before Colleen knew what was happening, the raccoon started approaching her, Teala and Roi. It was hunched over, glaring at them angrily. Colleen and Teala both shrunk behind Roi, who drew his hockey stick.

“You wanna hurt my friends?!” Roi demanded. “You’re gonna have to get through _me_ first!”

The raccoon hissed at him. And he boldly screamed and ran away.

“Run, guys!” Roi yelled as he ran.

“Roi!” Colleen called after him.

Teala rolled her eyes. “My hero,” she remarked sarcastically.

The raccoon hissed again, and Teala started off after Roi. Colleen held up her back scratcher. Before she could run, the raccoon threw itself up in her direction. It didn't bite her, but it sunk it's teeth into the back scratcher, chewing on it like a piece of candy. Colleen let out a shriek and started flailing the back scratcher around in an attempt to get it off. All the while, the raccoon was hanging on for dear life.

“Get it off!” Colleen screamed as she flailed the back scratcher about. “ _Getitoffgetitoffgetitoffgetitoff!_ ”

Joey leaped to the rescue. He batted the back scratcher with his lacrosse stick with a “ _Hi-ya!_ ”

The stick hit the back scratcher hard enough to make Colleen drop it. The raccoon fell to the floor with her weapon, and glowered at Colleen and Joey.

“ _OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!_ ” Colleen screamed instinctively.

“Come on, Colleen!” Joey yelled.

Joey threw his lacrosse stick at the raccoon (maybe out of reflex or something), grabbed Colleen’s wrist and pulled her along. Of course, immediately after he realized he _got rid of his damn weapon(!)_ , he yelled, “Wait! My stick!”

Colleen widened her eyes and yelled, “Who cares about the - _Look out!_ ”

Colleen tried to yank Joey’s arm in an attempt to stop running, but it was too late. In their bold escape attempt, they crashed into Jc and Nikita, causing them both to drop their weapons.

“Hey!” Nikita exclaimed. “Watch where you’re - _Oh, NO, bitch!_ ”

The raccoon came at full speed in their direction. They all scrambled to get up, and rushed off.

“Oh, shit!” Jc cried out repeatedly. “Oh, shit! Oh, shit! Oh shit!”

 _Oh, shit, indeed!_ Colleen agreed.

“Was this part of the plan?!” Colleen asked Joey.

“No!” Joey yelled back. “No it most certainly was not!”

Within moments, everybody was running haphazardly around the garage, trying to get away from the raccoon. Most of them had dropped their weapons - all except for Roi, Teala, and Matt. Matt knew this raccoon would be a hassle, but he didn’t think it would be this much of a force to be reckoned with!

Most of the others piled onto Mrs. Nygaard’s car in an attempt to escape the furry little demon. Meanwhile, Matt, Safiya, Joey and Colleen all made their way to the utility closet. The fur demon noticed the four of them, and followed suit.

“Shut the door! Shut the door!” Colleen cried once they were inside.

Matt slammed the door in the nick of time, trapping the raccoon outside. They could hear it’s claws clacking on the garage concrete as it seemed to be inspecting the door.

“Oh, well, _that’s_ terrifying,” Matt observed.

It only took a moment for the raccoon to lose interest. By the sound of it, it was making its way to the car, where the rest of their friends were trapped on top of. Matt could hear them starting to scream, when Teala suddenly yelled, “Stay back!” From the crack between the door and the floor, Matt could see faint, brief bits of light, accompanied by a crackling sound.

 _Teala must be using her bang snaps!_ Matt realized.

Okay, so they weren’t totally defenseless out there, but they were all still in danger. They needed a new plan.

“What do we do now?!” Colleen started babbling. “Most of us don’t have weapons anymore, and all I have is the cheese! I was supposed to throw it to distract the raccoon but now we’re trapped in here and-!”

“Okay, okay,” Safiya said, holding up her hands for calm. “Let’s just calm down, and try to think of something.”

Joey looked around. “There has to be something in here some of us can use as a tool, right? Matt’s still got a weapon, but I don’t think he can keep everyone safe at once.”

Matt nodded. “I don’t like the idea of you all going out there defenseless. Everyone, look around for a sec.”

Safiya was trying to stay calm, but there was too much to worry about. She and her friends were being terrorized by a raccoon (of which she was now positive was possessed by some kind of demonic raccoon spirit), most of them were being held captive on top of a car, and the four of them were trapped in a closet! And on top of that, where the hell was Crusty?!

Right now, though, she had to handle one thing at a time. Her spatula was somewhere on the ground outside. She and the others needed new weapons.

She turned and shone her headlight along the shelves, when she saw a wrench sticking out of a tool box. She reached up and grabbed it, when she suddenly noticed a mass of grey fur right behind the box. She let out a yelp and stumbled back, knocking another set of shelves on the other side of the closet. The furball leaped off the shelf and scampered to the corner. The noise caused a stir with the others as well.

“What?!” Matt spat out.

“What - what is it - what?!” Colleen babbled.

“Hello?! Raccoon?!” Joey asked.

Did the raccoon get in?! How did it get in the closet?!

“ _Mrrow!_ ”

Wait.

Raccoons don’t meow… do they?

Safiya straightened up. “Crusty?”

Her light shone in the corner, and there he was. Crusty had wedged himself between a couple of boxes. He was curled up into a little ball, staring wide-eyed back at the four of them. The poor guy looked so scared.

“Crusty!” Safiya was beside herself with relief.

She approached Crusty as carefully as she could so she wouldn’t scare him. She held out her hand, and he eased himself out of his hiding spot and over to her and the others.

Matt was standing the closest to Crusty. “Come on, buddy,” he cooed. He slowly knelt down next to Safiya so he wouldn’t scare the little guy and scooped him up. He turned to Safiya and the others and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

He handed Crusty over to Safiya. She’d never been so happy to hold him. He offered her a little, “ _mrew…_ ” which Safiya took as a “ _Get me outta here, mom!_ ”

And that’s exactly what she planned to do.

She put him around her neck, and she could feel him digging his claws into her shoulders. It stung a bit, but she didn’t care. All that mattered was that he was safe. Now all that was left was to bust out, and escape the garage with everyone else.

“This is it, guys,” Joey told them. “Get ready…”

Joey grabbed the handle. Matt held the wrench at the ready. Colleen kept a hand on the pocket where she was stashing the cheese. Safiya kept a hold of Crusty behind her head.

Safiya narrowed her eyes at the door. “Let’s finish this.”

Teala pulled back on the slingshot and launched more bang snaps near the raccoon. She was careful not to actually hit it, but they were just close enough to make it back away from the little sparks. She was trying to get it out the garage door, and it seemed to be working.

She reached into her pocket for more amo, only to find it empty.

“I’m out!” Teala cried.

“Dammit!” Nikita cursed.

“What do we do now?!” Rosanna fretted.

Teala turned to where the raccoon was perched. It was just a few feet away from the door, and it was staring at them. It was like it _knew_ they were trying to kick it out of the garage!

She balled her free hand into a fist and screamed, “Augh! Get _out!_ ”

She almost stomped her foot before she remembered she was on top of a car. She was just so mad! If only Colleen were out there, then they could use the cheese to distract the raccoon!

All of a sudden, she heard a crash as their friends came barreling out of the utility closet. Joey was in the lead, followed by Colleen, Matt and Safiya. The pit in Teala’s stomach immediately dissipated. Not only were they unharmed, but Safiya was wearing Crusty as a scarf!

“Yes!” she cried, pumping her fists in the air.

Roi watched as the others piled out of the closet, and his fear instantly disappeared. They were gonna be okay!

He got a quick look at the raccoon. He could see it’s eyes glaring at him and his friends. It was right near the garage crack. It was so close!

“Roi!” Colleen exclaimed. “Cheese!”

She yanked the fat stack of K-singles out of her pocket, slamming them onto the ground as she moved out of the way. In an instant, Roi leaped off of the car and pulled back his hockey stick.

“Fore!” he screamed, and he slapshot the cheese out of the garage!

A few slices of cheese hit the garage door, but the rest went flying past the raccoon and out into the night. The raccoon bolted out to the cheese, losing interest in the gang.

“Now’s our chance!” Roi exclaimed. “Let’s move!"

Crusty insta-jumped off of Safiya and shot through the cat door and into the kitchen.

“Oh, sure!” Safiya exclaimed in an exasperated tone. “ _Now_ you use the cat door!”

One by one, everyone made their way back inside. Everyone else who had been held hostage on the car propelled themselves back onto the floor and took off running. Rosanna joined back up with Matt and Safiya, and they rushed off. Teala and Colleen sprinted inside after Roi. Manny grabbed Nikita’s hand, and Joey hurried the two of them into the kitchen.

Jc was the last one inside. Once he was about to enter the kitchen, he slammed his fist onto the button connected to the garage door. He could see the raccoon perched onto the driveway as the door was closing. Everyone gathered around to watch the last of the show, anxious chatter filling the air, _aaaaaaaaaaaannnnd…_

The door closed!

“It’s out!” Jc hollered.

Everyone cheered and high fived each other like they’d just broken the world record for “Most Exciting Saturday Night Activity.” And they had a right to celebrate, as far as Jc was concerned! Seriously, that was a rush. They’d escaped a raccoon, gotten it out of the house, and saved a cat in the process. What reason would they _not_ have to be happy about?

Everything turned out okay! Jc couldn’t think of anything else that could possibly put a damper on their night. No siree bob. Not a single thing!

“ _Mrow?_ ”

Once the cheering died down, Joey noticed Crusty strolling his way back toward the group like that whole thing hadn't just happened. Safiya immediately knelt down and scooped him up like the good cat mom she was. The poor little nugget probably needed it; Joey could almost see him shaking from where he was.

“It’s me, buddy,” Safiya assured him softly. “It’s okay, you’re safe now.”

Crusty purred as Safiya held him close, and Joey's heart felt warm at the sight. The others joined in the cat love, petting him and cooing gently. The little furball was probably loving all the attention as always, but Joey was so glad that Crusty and the rest of his friends were safe.

Once Crusty decided he’d had enough smothering (AKA, started swatting at everyone and wiggled out of Safiya’s arms), the group finally started calming down from the excitement.

Roi eventually spoke up. “Sooooo… Pizza time?”

“Pizza time,” Joey confirmed.

"Yay!" Rosanna cheered.

“Pizza time, bitches!” Manny shouted.

"Finally!" Colleen exclaimed.

"Hell yeah!" Teala hollered.

And with that, a wearied group of warriors walked further into the kitchen to place a call to Domino’s. A feast was beckoning, and after such a treacherous adventure, such a luxury was rightfully earned. This would truly be an indulgence of legendary proportions!

Everyone gathered in the kitchen, chanting “ _Pizza time!_ ” like a group of sports fans. Joey sat next to Safiya at the kitchen table, and Crusty climbed up with them. He lay down near Joey, who reached over to stroke his hand along Crusty's back.

"Can you hand me my phone, Joey?" Safiya asked him.

"Yes ma'am," Joey replied, and he did just that.

After everything they'd been through tonight, he was so ready for some good ol' fashioned pizza! He and his friends seriously deserved it after all that mess. After all, despite the road bumps, the plan was a success. All that was left now was to claim their loot!

“Guys..?” Safiya spoke up. Her voice sounded crestfallen. “It’s 12:15.”

“So?” Joey asked.

Safiya frowned at the gang, and their excitement died down. Joey had a sinking feeling that he knew what she was about to say.

She sighed. “Dominos is closed…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time may be a social construct, but that's not the way pizza delivery services see it...
> 
> Next time: Will our heroes' endeavor end in tragedy, or will payment be delivered?


End file.
